The holidays feel different when you're working on yourself

A rare holiday photo of both our families all (sorta) looking at the camera

The holidays are a funny time of year.

The socializing, the gifts, the fun events, and the nostalgia are what most of us love about this season. Sure, it’s stressful, but the rush of getting it all done and creating magical experiences for the kids is also part of the excitement.

But as I sit and reflect post-holiday, I’m realizing that as I move through my healing journey, the holidays are becoming more uncomfortable. Not just for me, but for others around me, too.

First of all, I know too much now.

By that, I mean I can see the patterns of my family dynamics that I’ve been playing out my whole life. I can see the traditions we work so hard to keep alive, even though they stress everyone out. I notice myself falling into habits like eating and drinking too much, even though it makes my body feel bleh.

It’s uncomfortable trying to maintain my “good habits” when the inertia of the holiday spirit makes it so easy to slip back into old ones.

Secondly, it can be uncomfortable for people around me when I choose to uphold my emotional boundaries, when I decline social events, or when I question whether we really need to exchange gifts at all. I get responses like, “But it’s tradition,” or, “What’s going on with you? Are you okay?”

All of this is well-meaning, and I truly love my friends and family. Still, it’s uncomfortable to reflect on what I really want and need, and communicating that inevitably disrupts the comfort of tradition.

Lastly, investing in myself and changing my habits to align with my true self has exposed how much I’ve been performing and people-pleasing my way through the holidays, pretending this is the most wonderful time of the year.

With all that said, the vast majority of the time, I do genuinely appreciate the connection, laughter, and love the holidays bring. I appreciate that it’s a season that encourages kindness, generosity, and time with loved ones.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is: the holidays are complicated. And they become even more complicated when you’re working on breaking habits, shifting patterns, and respecting your emotional boundaries.

How were your holidays? Can you relate?

I'd love to know if you've had a similar experience. Please comment below or reply to our newsletter to email me. Let's connect.

With love,

Ming-Wai