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she's a total bitch

So now you can hear your negative reel and she’s a total bitch.

First, we would like to congratulate you on pinpointing your negative reel! To sit quietly with yourself so that you can concentrate on your thoughts is a huge accomplishment. Also don’t forget the courage it takes to face the fact that what you've been saying to yourself can be an embarrassing reflection of how you might actually feel about yourself. (Wow. Let’s just sit with that for a minute while we relax our cringe-face).

Next, we would like to apologize for your bitchy “friend”. You definitely don’t deserve to be talked to like that and what’s even worse, what she’s saying isn’t even true!

It’s also important for us to acknowledge that it’s not your fault. We have been conditioned to rely on others to nurture us and regulate our emotions. Today’s society perpetuates these reels by constantly reminding us of what products we should consume to give us the joy and worthiness we desperately seek.

- deep breath... man that’s some heavy shit -

We aren’t sure about you, but for us, we are tired of lugging this type of “companion” around. The amount of energy our negative reel consumes is utterly draining. Unfortunately, we got so used to her degrading opinion of us, that we became complacent with keeping her around because it was easier than confronting her. But not anymore.

We discovered that it takes skill to re-train our inner voice to be supportive, nurturing, and kind. And we must first use tools to stop the decades-long habit of unforgiving self criticism. It took us decades to build her up, so why would we think that it wouldn’t take as long to quiet her down? So the good news is there’s an answer, but the bad news is that it will take time and hard work to get there.

That is why we have created a new page on the ming+ming website: Our Tools. We have taken the time to highlight exactly what tools we found helpful to start catching and turning down our negative reel. And if you’ve been following along with our stories, then it shouldn’t surprise you that our tools are as uniquely different as our individual struggles. And we would expect yours to be a unique combination of tools as well.

To start things off, we have listed the tools that specifically pushed us to take those terrifying first steps. It’s what finally got us to shift our perspective and to realize that change was possible. But as we continue to grow and invite change into our lives, so will this page. We hope you follow along as we add, upgrade, and remove tools.

We know first hand how incredibly exhausting self healing can be, especially the first few steps. Our hope is that you find connection with some parts of our struggle and then you can experience a bit of relief, encouragement, or hope that you yourself can create the change you most deeply desire.

And remember, we are not sharing our tools expecting that they will necessarily work for you. We hope some will. We know some won’t. Our objective is to help you streamline your efforts when finding what tools work best. Perhaps it gets you out of your comfort zone or frees you from a rigid way of thinking. It might introduce you to something you never thought about or it may confirm a tool just isn’t for you right now. Or it might just be the tool you’ve been waiting for to start your life changing journey.

With love,

Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee

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