If ego is the part of us that tells us we’re special, then identity is how we fit into the norms.
Let’s face it, we all desire a sense of belonging. No matter what we identify with, we hope there are others that will accept us with open arms and say “yeah, I like that too!” That’s what makes us feel validated, safe, (and dare we say) normal.
We all can easily go back to a time in our lives when we were navigating who we thought we were or who we wanted to be. We believe they call this cringe-worthy time high school.
For most, high school was a confusing time socially, emotionally, and physically. As we reminisce back on these years, uncomfortable memories and emotions bubble up thinking about what we wore, who we dated, and how we navigated the cliques.
We were motivated by the fear of not belonging or being labeled as different because that ran a high risk of isolation. This fear dictated most of the choices we made. And though both of us were well liked in high school, we both have memories or moments of regret, moments we now wouldn’t be proud of, all in the name of being liked, being popular, and trying to fit in.
Today, we are women who have spent time nurturing the foundation of our identity and finding acceptance within and less from others. But even with the hard work of going inside, we still (and always will) desire the acceptance, love and support from others who tell us “It’s okay, you’re with us!”
When we spend our lives trying to find our identity and a sense of belonging, we may cling blindly to what we’ve chosen many years ago by saying: “this is just who I am.” When we finally find our safe spot, we protect it and don’t want to leave the safety of the cave. Sometimes it’s this ingrained belief of our identity that blocks us from change.
But unlike cliques in high school, there is fluidity to who we are. Our identity changes and thankfully so! And if we can change from who we worked so hard to be in high school, then others are changing too. And this idea can rock our lives when we have been so comfortable in the safety of knowing we belong to a certain group.
When shifting our perspective of who we once thought we were, we allow ourselves the permission to just be. That we no longer have to conform to fit into a clique but instead we get to enjoy the security of those who love us and who will continue to love us as we shift, change and grow.
The next couple of newsletters we will be interviewing each other. Sharing and introducing parts of ourselves that you may not know. We will be divulging parts of our past, present and future identities knowing no matter what we share, we belong right here.
Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee
P.S. If you want to read a past newsletter on identity, check out stop chasing the white rabbit AND, if you want to get to know us better, keep following us on instagram to ask your burning questions on our Instagram stories or just leave them in the comments below!