We grew up in an environment that conditioned us to make the next “right” decision. It benefited us in many ways, including providing us with opportunities, giving us the taste of success early and motivating us to stay on track. We were rewarded. We were praised. All of this high achievement paid off… for the most part. Though we looked successful on paper, It wasn’t until we realized we weren’t enjoying the lives we worked so hard to create that made us pause and ask ourselves: why?
At some point, we told ourselves “my problems aren’t real problems so I shouldn’t complain” and we continued to tone down our intuition and turn up the noise of external expectations. At another point, the internal nagging that something was off got drowned out by shifting our attention to accomplishing the next “right” thing.
We found ourselves comparing our lives to what we saw on social media. We found ourselves saying yes to jobs or volunteering time and energy we didn’t have in order to feed the successful image we had worked so hard to create. All would be fine if we didn’t notice that it came at a cost. Our health declined and we didn’t understand why, our emotions became irrational, and our relationships strained. We were confused because we thought all along we were doing what was “right”, what others wanted from us and what was expected of us.
But maintaining our status quo of always trying to make the next “right” decision went from making us successful to making us question why we weren’t feeling satisfied.
That’s when we realized that growing up in an environment that had strict definitions of what was right and wrong was determined by others, not by ourselves. We have been conditioned to please people and to achieve success based on other peoples’ definition. This resulted in looking good on the outside but confused, lost, and off on the inside. And though we had this awareness about ourselves, it was still difficult, confusing and uncomfortable to change such an ingrained habit, one we didn’t even know we had created.
People pleasing had become a part of who we were. Our identity was intertwined with the need to be liked and our egos were fed by the acknowledgment of our contribution to other people’s happiness. The only way we felt like we were meeting the definition of success was by comparing our accomplishments to others because we lacked the skills to measure our own worth.
That is why we created the 11 steps to change your life. One step before the other to build a solid foundation from which we can take our time to understand exactly who we are and where we are with our struggles without having to wonder if we are doing it “right” or comparing ourselves to other people. Having these steps makes change more accessible and less overwhelming, and takes the confusion out of where to start. We start by rediscovering ourselves so we can have the confidence that we are taking our next step based on what we need, and not what others expect from us.
These steps allow you to scale your progress based on personalized goals. They allow you to celebrate your efforts towards improvement instead of judging yourself based on external expectations. They give you a better understanding of your struggles, the structure to guide you through your challenges, and the ability to define your own achievements.
If you are like us and have been consumed with making the “right” decision yet feeling lost in your own emotions and can’t shake the feeling that there’s something off or missing inside even though you’ve done everything “right,” then sign up for our coaching waitlist and we’ll help guide you through the 11 steps on how to change your life.
Ming-Wai + Ming-Cee