Everything was fine. I just needed to wait 20 years to retire to start enjoying my life.
I could tell you the exact date that I was going to retire, when I was going to start living my life and having fun. I wouldn’t have kids to take care of anymore, I’d have my house paid off, and my husband and I had a laundry list of places we wanted to visit when we’d finally have the time and money.
My mind kept repeating: Keep going… only 20 more years…only 20 more years…
But my intuition was questioning: Can you really keep doing this for 20 more years?
And that’s when I realized that the thought of doing what I was doing for the next 20 years made my whole body cringe. Ugh. How confusing!! I knew I needed a change but I didn’t know how or what or why. And so my healing journey began.
I didn’t even know what I needed to heal from because I had done everything “right.”
When I told my sister my dilemma, she asked me: “What’s your Why? Why are you waking up in the morning and what are you living for?”
I replied in all seriousness: “Retirement benefits.”
And she goes: “Oh my God, you can’t be serious. No, like what is your pie-in-the-sky goal that you’re working towards? It doesn't have to be practical… what would you do if you didn’t have any limitations?”
I didn’t have an answer for her and I was pissed at her stupid hypothetical question!! I just said: “I don’t know! I don’t know what you’re talking about! That’s a stupid question.”
My whole world was turned upside down. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore and so I started searching.
Ming-Cee sent me podcasts to listen to (and she still does)
I ordered too many self-help books off Amazon (and still have a nasty book buying habit)
I got a tarot card reading on a whim in a little crystal shop (and I ended up learning to read tarot for myself and others)
I went to a couple weekend meditation retreats that my co-worker suggested (and ended up training to be a meditation coach)
Crystals. Yoga. Reiki. Mediumship. Flower remedies. Singing bowls. I tried it all.
I was confused, inspired, curious, lost, excited, fearful… all at the same time… for YEARS!!
There were times I felt like I was letting everyone down because I was interested in taking a different path. Sometimes I had imposter syndrome and wondered who would take advice from lil’ ol’ me? Many times I was tired and thought it would be easier if I just followed the career path I “should” be taking.
It’s hard. It’s REALLY hard because there isn’t a “right” answer and there can be many answers. It’s taken longer than I could have imagined because I’m trying to discover what MY answers are, instead of what I think others expect of me.
The more I went searching for answers, the more my intuition validated that I truly didn’t have it in me to keep going down this road for 20 more years. But what was I supposed to do about it? Quit my job and find myself? I had a mortgage, I had kids to support, I had real responsibilities… and I felt frustratingly out of control.
How could searching for my answers leave me feeling more lost and confused? I thought my answers would be presented in a pretty bow showing me a clear path forward. So when the process wasn't linear, I started to second guess myself… again.
Thankfully I have Ming-Cee on my healing journey and Ming-Cee has me on hers. And together we created ming+ming along with the 11 steps to help guide us both through our self discovery. These steps kept me on track moving forward instead of just settling for another 20 years of doing what I thought was “right” for someone else, but not for me.
These steps and my tools brought structure to my inward journey and provided deeper understanding so I had more confidence in my next step forward. It provided me with a scale that allowed me to measure my progress and forgive my missteps. It gave me the support I needed to check in with myself first and be creative with my solutions. And because of these steps, I could finally answer Ming-Cee’s question: “What’s your Why? Why are you waking up in the morning and what are you living for?”
I am here to bring more compassion and empathy into the world by helping people know and love themselves better. That’s what gets me up in the morning and inspires me to be a better person.
I am a better person by being true to my core values, by knowing my strengths and weaknesses, and by speaking my truth when I don’t know how people will respond.
And you know what?
As I continue to dive deeper into discovering who I am and what I truly want, I still have my stable government job and I’m better at my job because of my healing journey. I’m also a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. And that’s what this world needs… more people being authentically themselves so they can show up for the ones they love AND still continue to heal, grow and change.
So if my story speaks to you, email me and let me know what we have in common. I cannot wait to meet you and help you start your healing journey by introducing you to our 11 steps. Let’s see all the wonderful, scary, annoying, beautiful places it takes you.